To Die For
by Rae
Summary: Different people cope with Beverly's death in different ways.


TO DIE FOR  
by Rae Gunter

It's been almost a week since we lost Beverly. All around me, I can feel the pain, the shock, the grief. But almost everywhere, I can also sense people beginning to heal. 

But not quite everywhere. I'm worried. 

Will feels her death like a raw, open wound. He blames himself, and in a way, I think the Captain blames him too. He would never admit that, even to himself, but Jean-Luc Picard has never yet been able to hide from me. 

In a way. In a way is in all ways the problem. In a way, Will feels it's his fault. In a way, the captain of the ship agrees with him. In a way, we've lost the captain anyway... 

He barely speaks. He's dying inside. It's only now that he's beginning to realise just how much she meant to him - and she's gone. 

It wasn't Will's fault. I was there. It wasn't anybody's fault. We had taken a shuttle to the surface of Daran III. There were high levels of ionic interference in the atmosphere, preventing our beaming down - and our beaming up. A routine mission, a short conference with the colony leaders was all. Beverly had come along because she wanted to confer with the colony's chief doctor about a recent virus outbreak they'd had to deal with. 

Landing routine. 

Meeting routine. 

Return to shuttle. Beverly was late. 

Go to hospital. 

Beverly engrossed in discussion with local doctor. 

Will and I were not surprised. 

We waited, with amused tolerance for the vagaries of our friend. 

Then the world exploded. Or at least, that part of the world which was the stasis lab. The doctors had gone in to examine some biological samples. Geordi's investigation showed some crystallisation in the structure of the power cells, evidence of a minor irregularity in the cargo ship's transporter that nobody could have known was there. The structure of the power cell had been weakened. It gave way at the worst possible moment, when the stasis lab had been more crowded than ever before. 

When finally we found Beverly, she was already dead. 

* * *

Seven days now, but it feels more like seven years. The crew is losing all its focus. We need our Captain, but he's too wrapped up in his grief to see it. He's lost the will to be a leader. Lead? He's lost the will to live. The will to keep going. He's given in to pain. 

I went to Will's quarters last night. Without the Captain, the crew needs him, or this ship will fall apart. 

* * *

"I should have called her back when it was time to go," Riker said angrily.  
"As if she would have come! Will, Beverly was a grown woman who made her own decisions. Those decisions lead to her death, by accident. Pure accident." Deanna forced down tears. Beverly's death was still like a dagger in her chest whenever she thought of her friend. She didn't like what she was about to do. 

"I don't understand why you're betraying her memory this way," she said, feigning genuine incomprehension.  
"What?"  
"Beverly would never have wanted the crew to fall apart because of her, would she? As I recall, this ship was rather important to her." Will's mouth twisted as he pushed back tears of his own.  
"Yes," he whispered.  
"Without you or the captain, there is no Enterprise," she said. "Either one of you should take command in spirit as well as law, or you should turn command of this vessel over to Commander Data. Who, I might point out, is handling Beverly's death better than either of you, for all his inexperience with emotion." Will looked at her. Deanna wanted to shout for joy - his eyes were alive with the fire that had been missing since they first laid eyes on Beverly's body. 

He drew himself up to his full height. "You're right," he said simply. "I have duties to perform." 

Deanna's self-control wavered as he left, and marched to the bridge to take command. She again swallowed the lump in her throat and pushed on. She had a duty. 

* * *

Well, I guess this solves the problem of our captain. But by all that is holy, I would rather have faced that than this. My only real consolation is that I know that Beverly would have been proud. 

* * *

Captain Picard came onto the bridge minutes after the first shots were fired, finally stirred from his apathy by this threat to his ship. For the moment at least, he was every inch the Captain Jean-Luc Picard they all knew. But the Enterprise was losing, and they knew it. 

The bridge took a direct hit. 

Geordi La Forge, obviously seeing something the rest of them didn't, screamed "DATA GET OUT OF HERE!" as smoke began to fill the air. The android didn't argue, running for the turbolift at warp speed and getting out of there. 

"Electromagnetic interference," Geordi explained curtly as he attempted some damage control. "Data's positronic network couldn't survive much longer before… boom." 

The Enterprise was taking a pummeling. 

"All hands to escape pods," Picard ordered. They were all aware that they were losing. He looked around the bridge. "Get going, all of you." He took over Commander Data's station. "I'll hold them long enough for the pods to get clear." 

"Captain…" Deanna met his eyes, sensed the calm purpose that had overtaken him. Knew that this was what he wanted. "Goodbye, Jean-Luc," she said softly. He nodded. She ran. 

And watched from her escape pod as the USS Enterprise 1701-E exploded, taking Jean-Luc Picard with it. 

* * *

I suppose I knew that he could never live without her. I just hoped it wouldn't come to this. 


End file.
